I'm dating myself for a while
To see what it's like to date me
I'll take care of myself
Getting used to my own company
I can make myself happy
While I meet the best version of me!
8 years. I haven’t been single in 8 years. During all that time, I tried to be who my ex’s wanted me to be. Listening to music that they liked, watching shows that they liked, and only really going out if I had someone with me.
No wonder my ex told me, after I left him, that I “didn’t have a personality of my own, I just took on the personality of whoever I was dating.”
One ex, he used to make fun of my hobbies and other things that I liked. The other ex used to call me annoying and told me that he didn’t listen to me because I talked to much.
I should have left each one of them years before I did.
The first one, his social circle became my social circle, and I stopped hanging out with my other friends. I left him for a guy who was in our social circle. Then, eventually, him and I stopped hanging out with that group altogether, choosing instead to hang out alone in his room, or at parks. Always alone together.
So, I started hanging out with my own friends again. He didn’t like that. He said I was annoying when I drank, so I didn’t go out for drinks much at first.
He didn’t like when I had one friend over because he said he could “feel the negative energy coming off of her.” Another friend, he said she was too loud. And let’s not forget about the one who he said smelled bad. How about my online friends? Well, I was on my phone too much so it was annoying, and he said they didn’t seem like good people, anyways.
In both relationships, I didn’t want to leave because they were practically my whole social life IRL. Sure, I had friends in school, but we didn’t really hang out. It was difficult for me to hang out with new people because, well, I believed I was annoying, and that my hobbies were stupid.
If the people who were supposed to love me felt that way, then why would anyone else want to hang out with me?
No wonder my ex, after I left him, told me that I “had no personality of my own.” I tried not to, because I thought that people would be nicer to me if I weren’t myself.
My 2 closest friends tried getting me to leave, but I wouldn’t listen. I didn’t want to face the fact that I felt like the people who I liked didn’t like me back.
I wasn’t great to them, my exes. I wasn’t even good to them, really. It’s not healthy relying on just one person to be almost your entire social life and emotional support. That was asking a lot of them. And it certainly wasn’t fair to stay in relationships that I didn’t want to be in anymore.
I gave up a $40,000 scholarship to a school in NYC to stay with a boyfriend in Ohio. I didn’t even apply for an all expenses paid trip to Paris because I didn’t want to be away from my ex for a month. And studying abroad for a semester? Forget about it!
I’m coming out of my cage, and I’ve been doin JUST FINE!The Killers
And you know what? I’ll never make those mistakes again!
To start with, I’ve been going to all sorts of local cafes on my own. Back in Ohio, I don’t think I’d ever once went to a cafe on my own, save for just getting a drink before class.
To heck with that!
I still want to share my experiences though, so I’ve decided to start writing reviews of all the cafes I visit here in Seattle, and wherever else I may end up.
In the immortal words of the Killers,
“I’m coming out of my cage, and I’ve been doin JUST FINE!”
And I really do want it all, too! I’m so tired of waiting, of following someone else’s timeline. I want to see it all, to experience the world, and to learn something new every day. Even better if I can share it all with you lovely readers!
Thank you so much for reading! Don’t forget to like and subscribe for more Freshly Stale content! Got a favorite cafe in Seattle? Let me know in the comments! ☕