Sorry For the Unannounced Hiatus
Hey there, babes! I’ve missed you! 😩 I’ve missed working on the site, treating it like a full time job and writing every day. So much, in fact, that I’ve decided to quit my second job and go back to just working part time!
Besides, the second job made me angry. Well, it wasn’t quite the job making me angry, but it sure wasn’t helping, either. See, I’ve been angry since I was a tween and I’m only now realizing it. Working that cruddy job at Dunkin Donuts helped me realize that my normal state of being is aggitated, so for that realization I’m grateful. And I appreciate being hired in and all, but it just wasn’t for me. I’d rather have less money and more time to do what I wanna do than more money and no time(or energy) to do anything at all!
I turned in my 2 weeks notice the other day and was surprised that it instantly made me feel a bit better, a little less aggitated. I’m still angry, for a lot of reasons that I don’t feel comfortable talking about with you, but it’s less now.
Unfortunately, I have something to be angry about at my other job. Now, I’m not trying to be a Negative Nance or anything, and I certainly don’t want you to think that this post is all just complaining for the sake of complaining.
There’s SO MUCH that I like about my job; I get to experiment with fashion and style, the customers can be incredibly nice, the managers are laid-back, it’s overall a low stress environnement, and most of my coworkers are fantastic! Most of them.
One of them, though, is romantically interested in me and wouldn’t take “it’s never gonna happen” as a real answer. Then I found out he’s a registered sex offender. He’s younger than me, by the way. He said it was for something that happened in high school and that the girl lied about what happened. I don’t think that she lied, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt because it’s still possible that he was being honest.
It’s a long story, but he’s shown a LOT of red flags(aside from being a literal sex offender). Invading personal space, making sexual comments about minors as “jokes,” sending me videos of himself drinking and driving, getting high at work. I added him on Snapchat before really knowing anything about him and quickly learned that he would try to invade that space, just like he did my physical space. If he was left on read/seen? He’d send another. If it was 1am and he knew I had work at 5am? Didn’t matter, my phone would ding with messages in the middle of the night.
Luckily, after he made the sexual comments about high school kids, I was able to find the words(and a lot of them, too!) to let him know just how gross I think he is, and he’s since left me alone.
And so, this person that I greatly dislike has done me the service of inspiring this slam poem, which I greatly like. One of these days I’ll record it for you! But I didn’t want to just share it without any backstory; it seemed too loaded for that.
This poem contains adult themes and some swearing, so read at your own discretion!
I’m mad because
As a woman I’m told I’m not allowed to take up space
But it’s my place
To make a happy space
For the kids I never want to have.
But the boys are told
That space is theirs
Even outer space
The final frontier
Is theirs to conquer
Just like me.
I need another beer
Because I don’t want to hear about how fucking equal we are
Because no shit, dumbass
We’re all equal in humanity, but that’s as far as it goes.
I don’t want to hear about it
Because I can see it
I can feel it
I want to live and breathe equity, not equality
Because no, actually, we aren’t “equals”
Nobody equals another person
Like two equals two.
With strengths, weaknesses
Similarities and differences
I don’t equal you
And you don’t equal me
It’s just not in our anatomy.
You’re kidding yourself with claims of equality
Because I can create life
With my body I can nurture
If I so choose
But you seem to think that choice is up to you.
Well, have I got news for you, buddy
If we both go and fuck ourselves
I’ll still climax more than you
Two, three times, maybe even four
Cause I can always give myself more.
In my confined space I learned
To make space within myself
Because I deserve space, too
And unlike you
I don’t take space from others
I cultivate space
Within myself, around myself,
And for others who don’t know how
To keep their space theirs, away from you.
Standing too close, talking too loud and too much
Physically, audibly, always taking instead of giving
So thank you
For teaching me that I don’t want to take up space
I want to take it back.
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